An Unanticipated Transformation

There is no delicate way of stating this. I was fired from my part-time job this week. A position I have held for almost three years. I was not given any solid reasons for being let go; at least no reasons that made any sense, or ones that had I been given the opportunity to correct, I wouldn’t have. No warning, no ‘improvement plan’. I was told I could expect a positive reference. Needless to say, I am quite confused.

A Bit of Heartache. Or is It Joy?

So, my transformation is speeding up, or maybe it’s slowing down. I haven’t quite decided what it looks like just yet. Maybe you’ve been in my shoes. You may have been fired in the past, laid off, or even quit; Confused, scared, and unsure how to begin again. People will say: “I’m sorry to hear that.” Or “Maybe it was for the best.” Or “You’ll find something quickly, I’m sure.” Friends and family mean well. They want you to be happy, fulfilled and anxiety free. But you do need to grieve a little. Even if you didn’t really like your job (or maybe you did), it’s still a loss. Obviously, it’s a financial loss, but it’s also an emotional one. I know I am feeling a crazy mix of emotions, from sadness, to anger, relief, confusion, fear, anxiety, and self-doubt. And those are just the emotions I can currently label!

Many things are flying around in my head (this is my circus and my ‘flying’ monkeys). People love my baked goods, maybe I can sell those on the side to make up for the lost income at home? I’ve sold some artwork in the past, maybe that? Maybe I should enroll in the paid CNA training program at my local hospital? It’s a lot of hours, but like my good friend noted, it would be a terrific learning experience and help me towards my nursing career. Maybe I should find something brainless and generally stress free so that I can focus on my prerequisites? The one thing the monkeys are showing me is that many exciting opportunities are out there. However, I can’t make any decisions amidst all this emotion. I must calm the monkeys down, stop all their screeching, and maybe offer some hugs. Breathe monkeys, breathe.

I Don’t Have to Go Fast – I Just Have to Go Forward

My current (and highly transmutable) plan is to take a few weeks to reconnect with myself, my needs, my body, and my emotions. I am focusing on the second exam for my College Algebra class, starting to move more, and hoping to reconnect with my meditation practice. I turn 54 on Saturday. Let’s see what this new year has in store.