Transforming My Relationship With Chronic Pain

I have extremely high pain tolerance. I’ve been known to break a digit, splint it, wrap it, and just keep going. For over four years now, I have been dealing with chronic lumbar spine pain. It’s been about five years since I blew a disc at L5-S1, and have not been the same since. For the most part I have just coped with it, as I do most pain. I’ve avoided heavy lifting, and anything extremely jarring. Somewhere along the line things changed. I couldn’t get comfortable in bed, and the pain began effecting my sleep, which in turn began effecting my mood. Something had to change. I had to begin transforming my relationship with chronic pain.

Pain Relief Journey

I am not a fan of pain medication and have worked diligently over the past few years to be mostly medication free (except for a natural thyroid pill). Drugs were not the route I wanted to go. My wife and I purchased a very expensive adjustable mattress, which allowed me to get some rest if I lowered the firmness and slept in a zero-gravity position. This is practically the only position and mattress I can get any rest on. I have to say other than our home, it is by far the best purchase we have ever made.

My general practitioner sent me to a pain specialist who tried injections. This offered little to no relief. Then this doctor performed two medial branch blocks to determine if a radiofrequency ablation procedure might do the trick. This procedure worked wonders. I was mostly pain free and finally sleeping through the night. Then (after about 18 months) it wore off.

Back On The Pain Relief Path

For almost a year now, to no avail, I have tried to get insurance to cover the procedure again. FINALLY (after undergoing another round of medial branch blocks), the procedure was covered, and completed just a few days ago. I am hoping for a result similar to that of the last one. 

I already feel some relief. The less pain I am in, the more I will move. Moving will help shed some pounds and therefore alleviate more of the stress on my back, and more of the pain.

My Relationship With Pain

It has been a rough year being in pain again. It is amazing how chronic pain effects everything. I did not realize how much the pain was interfering with my daily life. I was back to not sleeping well, irritable, unable to concentrate, incapable of real housework, or performing tasks I enjoyed for any extended period. It took a toll on my marriage. The reason I was generally oblivious to its creeping tentacles, was that it snuck up on me slowly as the prior ablation wore off.

My relationship with pain has generally been not as negative as most people’s. For me, emotional pain has always been far less tolerable than its physical counterpart. Anger and confrontation have always been things I will go to every length to avoid. We cannot go through life without suffering, but we can mitigate its effects. This chronic physical pain has created anger, fear, and resentment. Not a relationship I want to have.

Tools in My Transformation

As with most things in my life, when I want to transform how I think or feel, I read and I write. I am trying to develop a deeper understanding of how physical and emotional pain go hand in hand, and how healing one can help heal the other. If that is something you are interested in, here are links to some resourcesI recommend. I’ve read/used them all, and these are very informative and helpful books. My links are Amazon Associate links as I get a very small incentive if you purchase these items using my links. I am trying to help subsidize my nursing education in any way possible!

For writing, please purchase and download my newest journal page. I offer prompts for expressive writing. Many studies have proven that expressive writing can help boost immune health and improve resilience.^{1 2} Writing allows us to be honest with ourselves. This helps put things in perspective and builds inner strength. Placing the fear, anxiety, resentment, and anger “out there” on the page, rather than inside our hearts and minds, does volumes for healing. Click Here to check out this new tool to help with your transformation!

I hope by developing this new relationship with pain I will be a better caregiver and ultimately a better future nurse. Thanks for reading!

1. Lai, J., Song, H., Wang, Y., Ren, Y., Li, S., Xiao, F., Liao, S., Xie, T., & Zhuang, W. (2023). Efficacy of expressive writing versus positive writing in different populations: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Nursing open, 10(9), 5961–5974. https://doi.org/10.1002/nop2.1897 ↩︎
2. Gao X (2022) Research on Expressive Writing in Psychology: A Forty-year Bibliometric Analysis and Visualization of Current Status and Research Trends. Front. Psychol. 13:825626. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.825626 ↩︎